Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
