What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
