Already got asked if we're dating
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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