when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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