Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
