i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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