Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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