Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
