I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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