By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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