There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
