I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
