Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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