Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
