xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
