Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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