I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
