make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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