so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
