just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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