I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
