So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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