I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
