Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
