new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
