Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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