went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I will pee on everything he values.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
