When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
