I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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