Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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