So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
