last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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