Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
