You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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