omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
