My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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