I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
