Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
