i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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