So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
