whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
