no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
