So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
