I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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