I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
be right there i have to get my cape
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
