I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
honey bunches of taint.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
