she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
