I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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