Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
