whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
