I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
