I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
