the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize