just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
