Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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