How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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