hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
