Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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