I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
