in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
