we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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