just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im part way to drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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